لم أكتب لأنني عالقة هناك، في زمنٍ مضى!
كتبت لأن الماضي معلمي الأول.
والعودة إليه، لم يكن هروباً، أو انكساراً، بل مواجهة. ووعيٌ بما كان... وبما يجب أن يكون.
أنا لا أبحث عن شفقة، ولا أروي قصة حزينة.
فقط، أكتب لأُضيء ما أطفئ في داخلي، لأعيد ترتيب صوتي الذي خنقته سنوات طويلة.
عشرون عاماً من التجربة.. من السقوط والنهوض، من الحزن والخذلان، ومن الصمت الذي كان أثقل من أي صراخ. مررتُ بليالٍ ظننت أنني لن أخرج منها، ومواقف جرّدتني من قوتي.. وها أنا اليوم أقف، لا لأبكي، بل لأقول: أنا هنا.. أقوى.
لم أعد تلك الفتاة التي تسكت كي لا تُفهم خطأ، ولا تلك التي تتحمّل أخطاء غيرها خشية الفقد.
لقد تعلّمت، بعد كل تلك العواصف، أن لا أحد يستحق أن أضيع من أجله.
الآن أعرف من أكون، وماذا أريد.
لست مجرد امرأة
أنا ذاكرة متماسكة، وندبة ناعمة، ودرس كُتب على جدار قلبي.
كل ما ظننته نهاية، كان بداية تشكّلي من جديد.
وكل ما كسرني، أعادني إلى ذاتي الحقيقية.
أنا تلك التي اختبرت الانكسار ولم تستسلم،
التي سارت وسط العتمة ولم يخفت ضوءها،
والتي أدركت أنها لن تُهزم إلا إذا اختارت الاستسلام، فكان القتال خيارها الأول والأخير.
أنا لست ضحية ماضٍ، أنا المستقبل!
العودة إلى الماضي لا تعني الضعف...
27 يونيو 2025 - 03:58
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آخر تحديث 27 يونيو 2025 - 03:58
تابع قناة عكاظ على الواتساب
رفيف خالد
I didn't write because I am stuck there, in a time long gone!
I wrote because the past is my first teacher.
Returning to it was not an escape or a breakdown, but a confrontation. An awareness of what was... and what should be.
I am not looking for pity, nor am I telling a sad story.
I simply write to illuminate what has been extinguished inside me, to rearrange the voice that has been choked for many years.
Twenty years of experience... of falling and rising, of sadness and betrayal, and of silence that was heavier than any scream. I went through nights I thought I would never emerge from, and situations that stripped me of my strength... and here I stand today, not to cry, but to say: I am here... stronger.
I am no longer that girl who stays silent to avoid being misunderstood, nor the one who endures others' mistakes for fear of loss.
I have learned, after all those storms, that no one is worth losing myself for.
Now I know who I am and what I want.
I am not just a woman
I am a cohesive memory, a soft scar, and a lesson written on the wall of my heart.
Everything I thought was an end was a new beginning for my formation.
And everything that broke me brought me back to my true self.
I am the one who experienced breaking and did not surrender,
the one who walked through the darkness and whose light did not dim,
and the one who realized she would only be defeated if she chose to surrender, so fighting was her first and last choice.
I am not a victim of the past; I am the future!
I wrote because the past is my first teacher.
Returning to it was not an escape or a breakdown, but a confrontation. An awareness of what was... and what should be.
I am not looking for pity, nor am I telling a sad story.
I simply write to illuminate what has been extinguished inside me, to rearrange the voice that has been choked for many years.
Twenty years of experience... of falling and rising, of sadness and betrayal, and of silence that was heavier than any scream. I went through nights I thought I would never emerge from, and situations that stripped me of my strength... and here I stand today, not to cry, but to say: I am here... stronger.
I am no longer that girl who stays silent to avoid being misunderstood, nor the one who endures others' mistakes for fear of loss.
I have learned, after all those storms, that no one is worth losing myself for.
Now I know who I am and what I want.
I am not just a woman
I am a cohesive memory, a soft scar, and a lesson written on the wall of my heart.
Everything I thought was an end was a new beginning for my formation.
And everything that broke me brought me back to my true self.
I am the one who experienced breaking and did not surrender,
the one who walked through the darkness and whose light did not dim,
and the one who realized she would only be defeated if she chose to surrender, so fighting was her first and last choice.
I am not a victim of the past; I am the future!